| que sera |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | green day phone ring | ] |
im making it official here on lj, cuz this seems to be where everyone gets their information about my life...
im not seeing anyone, i dont have a boyfriend, back to being single... oh yes....
now that ive cleared that up..
the ATS-W went well. i think i passed. work was fun today. i love working with sunita... zand and i chilled and got caught up on life. it was sweet, i miss her so much. :)another day of work awaits me tomorrow. i still have like 90 pages to read for social foundations.. i realized that the english contest submissions are due at noon tomorrow and i dont get outa work till 2, so that might be a problem. but im gonna try and see if i can submit them anyway. hunter is so disorganized so im hoping i can rely on that..
well time to get some reading in before my brain gets useless... |
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| ATS-W |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|10:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | silence | ] |
so i stayed home yesterday to catch up on rest and try and beat this cold. i have to take the ATS_W exam today so i didnt want to be feeling like complete crap. i need to do well on this exam, or pass it, cuz its for teacher certification. im not too worried cuz its basically all situation questions and what i would do as a teacher in handling them.
my dad is coming back from Cali tonight. Kat's mom is in really bad shape and so i dont know how much longer its going to be. she is getting depressed about it too, which is not a good thing.
christopher and scott had dinner with me on thurs night though. it was awesome. i love hanging out with them. they are the cutest couple in the world. and scott is so adorable and sexy. yes, im attracted t a gay man, but only in a platonic way.
tomorrow i have work and then a ton of schoolwork to catch up on. i tried to do some yesterday but watching tv is so much more appealing when you're sick. my main priority is finishing my Protestant Ethic book for social foundations cuz i need to write a summary on it for thursday. and i still have like a 100 pages to finish, and it must be done by wed. i also need to catch up on anthropology reading cuz we have an exam in like 2 weeks. i have to start my 2nd story for fiction. so that is my to-do list for the moment. of course there is tons more.
and right now i need to shower and get ready to head out. |
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| procrastination |
[Feb. 22nd, 2005|10:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none | ] |
i keep forgetting to update this thing.
so i wanted to be productive and start my paper, thats due on thursday, today. i figured it would make it easier and also ricky is sleeping over tomorrow so i dont want to be stuck having to write it and not spend any time with him. since we see each other not so often, its gotta be quality time with him.
dad is california till sat night, so im looking for company. he had to go cuz kat's mom is not in great shape and she's freaking out about it and needs the support. i wish i could be there too.
i went by the office today. it was my first time in there since last semester. kinda weird. i dont know why i have been avoiding it so much. just been a weird place since the semester started. havent really been sticking around school when im not in class.
megan had a party at her house on sat night. it was a lot of fun. but everyone brought their boyfreind's and i was the odd one out. not that i mind, and i feel secure being single right now, its just hard when its thrown in your face. i sometimes envy their happy relationships and soon to be engagements. and sometimes i just wish i was ordinary so it would be easier for me to meet someone. no i take it back.. its just thay my dad tries to comfort me by telling me that im so special that i cant just be with any guy and while thats comforting to my ego, its not so comforting to my heart. today olga and i were talking about aubrie and her situation, and it made me think of my carribean love affair. i havent really been with anyone since him and i know its gonna be strange when it happens. but i think im sorta holding off because im scared of thinking of being with another one. not that i dont want to, i need to move on and i want to, well thats not entirely true. i have only truly loved 2 people and both of them slipped away from me. both of them seem in certain proximity to me, but still hard to reach. and i still have a longing for one especially. i guess its true what they say about first loves, cant ever really get over them.
anyways.. if im not gonna finish writing this damn paper then im gonna go to bed. work at 7am tomorrow.
good night.... |
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| early morning |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|06:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
6:25 in the morning and i have to go to work in a few minutes. i really hate having to be up so early.. its still dark out and there is jut something totally bizarre about being up when its still dark. the cool thing is sometimes i get to see the sunrise. and seeing the moon and sun in the sky at the same time is so awesome. but anyways.. i'd still much rather be in bed.
so im thinking my next story is going to be about my bakery job, cuz good stuff happens there. or about anesthesia. depends which one i can get more writing out of. the anesthesia story will be more challenging and maybe more interesting on that note. i need to do some research first.. but i have a few weeks at least till its due, so im all good.
today is nicole's last day home before she departs back up to school. so we're gonna grab some coffee and chill for a bit before my class at 4. its cool... i wont see her for a while after this.
tons of work to do today though. got my response paper for social foundations and my art project and article discussion board post for art education, all due tomorrow.. yikes!!!!
alright time is up for now!
(post me some love....) |
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| blah |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|06:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | foos channel | ] |
again its been a while since my last entry.. yes i know.. several weeks. i just havent been in the journaling mood. but classes have started and going well. i am enjoying all of them even though its going to be a lot of hard work this semester. i havent really talked to anyone. havent been around the office either and i dont know. i ran into damon at shakespeare and chatted for a while. i should go but i dont want to have to explain why ive been so distant to certain people. when life gets complicated i just kinda shutdown and get distant.
so i saw phantom of the opera this weekend--the show not the movie!! it kicked ass.. ricky and i fulfilled our yearly ritual of seeing a broadway show. but yeah i loved it. and it was good bonding too.. we havent really hung out much even though he works in the city now and is here everyday.
last week i had an endoscopy to check out my stomach. they put me under anesthesia and sent a probe down my stomach that took pictures and he also took a biopsy. initial results showed mild gastritis but i still am awaiting biopsy and sonogram results. keeping my fingers corssed that its nothing more serious than that. i wanna keep eating yummy food!
i got a 50 cent raise at work!! yay me!!! now i make $8 an hour... its so exciting.. it really is..
anyways... time to do some work. |
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| its been way too long.............. |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|10:04 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | my brother snoring | ] |
sorry for all of you that have been trying to keep up with my journal... i know its been like a month since i have written here. i dont know, things just got too complicated for me and i wandt in the mood to post anything. but im back....
so this last month, i guess i should give a quick update..
christmas: was pretty good. church on xmas eve, nicole's house on xmas day. started seeing this guy from church and thins were going well until new years and then went downhill from there. he just turned out to be all wrong for me. so i ended that and he tried to still pursue things but i think he's figured out by now that its just not working out. so that kinda put me in a weird place cuz i just was confused about it for a while. he seemed like such a great guy and i thought i was retarted for breaking things off with him. but i guess going on instinct is always best in these situations..
so new years: spent it at home with my dad. he had a little new years bash happening, so it was good, i had tons of fun.
since then, i have been working like 5 days a week.. hanging out with friends here and there but i even got distant on that. so im trying to catch up now before they all disown me.
school starts back in a week. that should be exciting!!
i got an IPOD for xmas!! thats the big news of the month...............
okay, enough for now.. but defintely more to come later. |
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| brain overload |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|09:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
so i had my last 2 finals today and my term paper due. i have never been more exhausted in my whole life. wow... after spending 4 hours writing my term paper of which i had 3 1/2 pages already done, i took my english final for that class. i felt like i had just written 14 pages on the same things between my paper and the 2 essays i wrote in my final. i am on emerson overload and cannot think straight anymore.
tommy got me a giant grumpy bear care bear for xmas and i got it today!!! im sorry for not coming out with you tonight, im just so exhausted. i wouldnt have been much fun. and i need to sleep. i have work tomorrow at 8:30 am... but i promise i will make it up to you and we will hang out soon.
so i got 2 netflix movies in the mail today. 21 grams and house at the end of the world. im excited but i wont be watching either tonight. so it'll have to wait till tomorrow after work.
yay its xmas eve tomorrow and i get to open the rest of presents. all thats left is my dad's, brother's and his gf's presents for me. the rest i have gotten early. but its still exciting. i love xmas presents. giving more than getting. but getting kicksass too!!
i emailed ash earlier. it had been a while since i had heard from him so i figure i'd send an email his way and see whats going on over there. i dont know what to do. i miss him and even though i'm dealing with it all really well, it still hurts to think about him. i took this feng shui horoscope survey and one of the things said, "you will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever" and that is so me and ash. aww...
but troy is coming to visit the second week of jan and that will be fun.
i have been in love twice my whole life and i know deep down i will never quite get over either. both will be just as dear to me and feel like it was all yesterday. i would do anything for these people and if only they knew. |
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| procrastination |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | some movie on tv | ] |
work was nothing special today. darlene was manager which was odd for a sunday morning. i guess mike had the day off. and sunita and shirely were working with me. it went by pretty fast which is how i like it. shirley annoys me though. i hate how she always decides to do things when there are customers lined up out the door. like sweeping the back area, stocking the bakeed goods, etc.. those things are not supposed to be taken care of when the place is packed with people. but i never say abything to her and just end up taking care of everyone as best i can. and then she stocked today which is my job since she was working midshift till 4:30 and i was getting off at 2pm. and i feel like she did that cuz she didnt want to serve the customers anymore. grr... but whatever...
so starting my paper did not happen today. i printed out one article and read some of it and started skimming through my book to find quotes and stuff. goddam, i am so lazy.. so its definitely gonna get done on wed night and thurs morning and maybe tues night after nicole leaves. but yeah.. i work better under pressure.. and i was exhausted after work today so i just bummed around in bed and watched tv..
so i emailed my mom and asked her for $1500. i dont know if she is going to send it to me or not, but i had nothing to lose in asking. when i asked her for $500 in october she sent it to me without any hesitation. i dont know about this time though. hopefully she'll send me something so i can pay off my credit card and my bill at shakespeare for my books this semester. its weird. yea it sounds like a lot of money, but for my mother its not at all. she has more money than she will ever need especially living in russia. and she has not ever given me any money or support since she left, so its time to pay up. so we'll see... hopefully she'll get back to me tomorrow or tuesday..
i get payed on tuesday and must buy the rest of my xmas presents. i need to get something for my brother, a little something for his girlfriend cuz she always gets me something, zand, kat, tommy, melissa, the perry gang, some other people, that i'll see in january prolly...
its snowing right now and its so pretty outside. i love the first snowfall in the city.. i wonder if it'll snow a lot and it'll be totally crazy tomorrow. as long as i can get to my final at 1:45, it'll be all good. |
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| christmas tree |
[Dec. 18th, 2004|08:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | damien rice-the blowers daughter | ] |
so we got the tree today and decorated it. it was fun and it looks so pretty now. just need to get some presents under there now. we do the whole angel motif with our tree.
so i saw closer today. that movie was mindblowing and just so good. its just one of those movies that touches you on so many levels and really makes you think. and im not overanalyzing with it either. the really interesting part was that it was about affairs but there was not one sex scene. it was all about the after part of it. the talking and telling the other person. which made it really interesting and better than other movies that have the same theme but are just full of sex.
definitely a movie i want on dvd.
and last night tommy and i saw spanglish. which was also really amazing. it was sweet and funny and sentimental. and the parts that made you want to cry were followed by funny scenes that made you laugh to it was a good balance. yeah i recommend that one too. and speaking of last night, tommy had gotten my xmas present and instead of waiting till the 23rd like we were going to and exchange gifts he decided to try and surprise me by putting it in my jacket pocket while i was getting drinks, but i kinda caught him in the act so he threw it at me instead cuz he got upset that i kinda ruined it. so to say the least i got my present early. it was good luck bear.
my dad also kinda managed to give away what he had gotten me also. but that story isnt all that exciting. so im not getting very many surprises this year. although i have no idea what anyone else is getting me. i think i need to make a list of the people i need to get presents for so i can keep track.
i still need to write my emerson paper. that didnt get started today like it should have. so it must be started tomorrow definitely. |
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| today |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|10:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tv | ] |
so i just watched maria full of grace. it was an awesome movie, i definitely recommend it. its quite short though, like an hour and change. but its worth it.
did some xmas shopping today. i got nicole's gift and ordered daddy's gift online. i am stumped about what to get other people. but monday nicole and i are going shopping so hopefully i'll figure it all out by then. i dont even know what i want for xmas.. well maybe i know a few things..
1. lord of the rings trilogy set
2.
3.
okay i cant think of anything else right now, so im leaving it at that for now.
had my first final today. it was super easy. all of my finals are gonna be east, except for astronomy, but i dont know what to do about that class. and ihave to get my 10 page paper done for emerson class. yikes.. i think saturday will be a good day to do it or at least start it cuz im not working.
i wanna do something fun during break. like take a trip somewhere. but, i dont know where. i dont want to spend the whole break here working. i mean it'll be good money and everything, but having the whole month off, gotta do something exciting. nicole and i were talking about driving out to st. louis but i dont know the status of that trip. it may not be happening. who knows.. it would be awesome though...i'll figure something out. i wish i could go to paris during break, but i cant afford it right now. maybe during spring break i can go. unless nicole and i go out to puerto rico or back to the island.
okay time for some chocolate. definitely... |
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| back from vermont |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|07:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cold | ] |
so i was gonna wait till later to write, but ruchi is taking a shower so i have to wait for her until we can watch angels in america, which i just bought on dvd a few days ago.
vermont was awesome.. super cold though! just lazed around basically and didnt do anything which was a great pre-finals getaway. i tried to get in touch with a really good friend of mine that kinda went MIA the last few years, but that was unsuccessful. i ran into her parents and they passed a message along and then it was phone tag from there. that sucked cuz i actually was excited to see her and reconnect again and i thought if that happened i would come back during january break and visit but oh well. it could still happen.
now i have finals to get through, which shouldnt be too bad. 4 exams and 2 papers... i know it sounds like it's gonna be brutal, but no worries.
alright, ive had enough... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|01:19 am] |
You Are a Prophet Soul |
You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.
You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|01:13 am] |
You Are the Investigator |
5
You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.
You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.
Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.
You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sex in the city on TV | ] |
so tommy lent me his braveheart carebear today. i get to keep him till thursday. under strict guidelines of course on the kind of care and attention he needs. i'm really having fun these days hanging round the office.
yesterday i was bold and daring and asken Damon out for coffee. he is one of the psych boys. i have liked him for a little while now and decided to just go for it and ask him out. it went well. i didnt get rejected, but no definite plans were made, so we'll see what happens. but now i can die knowing i asked a boy out.
school is almost over. today was the last day of pre-student teaching fieldwork. i am so happy. i really did not enjoy myself with that this semester. this semester in general has been rough. i did make some very awesome friendships though, which has made it worth every minute, even the tears.
i got my new phone today, its kickass!!!
so my plan was to come home as soon as possible after class today to get work done. but i went to barnes n' noble and didnt get home till about 20 minutes ago. and now i dont know if i have the attention span to actually work productively, so i think it'll have to wait till tomorrow, which just means that tomorrow will be a brutal day with work, schoolwork, etc... but i can do it!!! i have braveheart!!
alright, i think im gonna get to bed, finishing reading journey to the east (which i recommend) and then sleep. |
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| no party for me... |
[Dec. 5th, 2004|12:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
so i was supposed to go to this party tonight, but my friend never got back to me with the address and she hasnt answered her phone all night, so i dont know whats up with that. but im guessing she forgot her phone at home or something. so it was a bit of an early night for me. although i did chill with zand and we ran into her friend beth at starbucks and that was cool. so it wasnt a complete waste of a saturday night.
going to vermont next weekend with dad, kat and ruchi and its gonna be awesome. im definitely looking forward to it. getting outa the city. im hoping there's some snow up there.
why does it have to be so complicated to be friends with ex's sometimes. or just guys in general. i dont know.. i could explain where that came from, but im not in the mood right now and i dont know where this conversation is going.
not to mention, i dont know what to do about staying lt. governor. i dont want to quit cuz i love circle k, but i dont want to deal with the bullshit that has suddenly occured recently.
its 12:56 and im hungry... but i should just go to bed... yeah that sounds good.. |
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| almost time for bed |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|11:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
went to see kinsey tonight with zand. it was really good, i definitely recommend it! work was good earlier, i made $$32 in tips, very awesome... well i need to get myself to bed, got work at 7:30am and then a party tomorrow night, so yeah.. good night world and friends! |
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| this is a quick one |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sex in the city on tv | ] |
since i havent written like all weekend here it goes.. i just thought i'd post something quick so i'm not neglecting writing too much. but im exhausted and all i really want is my bed right now. i had this revelation on the train tonight that i have been in school for the last 16 years without really any break and no wonder i feel kinda burnt out. i mean dont get me wrong, i enjoy school and learning and its not just about getting a good job and all, but i'm tired. and i know i wont really be done until after graduate school so i'm trying to mentally get myself through that and just find a way to push on. but no wonder i am getting frustrated with school, its been so long..
ash and i have been having good communication since the "break-up". yes its in quotes cuz its like an unofficial one cuz we never really had anything official. he text messaged me at 6am this morning to just say hi and it was so sweet. but im not gonna get carried away with that cuz i really do need to move on and not stay hung up on him. even though it is brutally hard and it still makes me ache. so yeah, when one has heartache, its not just metaphorical. cuz when im that sad and in that much emotional pain my heart really does hurt. just thought i'd share that.
alright, i think thats enough brain energy. |
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| happy turkey day |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|06:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | full | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | howie day | ] |
So you think
You can hold the world up by a string
With all that you have
And I will hold every part of you if I could
And I'm oh...
And I'm on again
Brace yourself
And all that you have
And oh, I'm in love again
Brace yourself
Yeah...
So you feel everything and everything should be
All that you wanted
Stay with me
I'm in no condition to be
Alone
And I'm oh...
And I'm on again
Brace yourself
And all that you have
And oh, I'm in love again
Brace yourself
Yeah...
On and on
So it's just your false alarm
Maybe I'll hold my breathe
And you'll be gone
All that you have... yeah...
All that you wanted...
Love
I'm in love again
Brace yourself with all that you have
Oh I'm in love again
Brace yourself... yeah...
Brace yourself... yeah...
Brace yourself with all that you have
Yeah...
All that you wanted... oh...
so just had thanksgiving dinner with dad. it was scrumptious and in a little bit we are going out to see Alexander. hopefully it'll be as good as the previews... we'll see... but its been fun. usually we have a ton of people over but this year everyone seemed to have other plans so it was just the two of us. but it was still awesome.
nicole is coming tomorrow night after her lesson. we are gonna have a girls night out.. im excited about that. we need some good bonding time. i wanted to go to the mall in connecticut but i have to work till 4:30 so it'll be too late to go.. oh well.....
okay, time to break out.
happy turkey day everyone! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|09:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | jewel | ] |
so i feel good today. i dont know. i talked to a bunch of my friends, so i dont feel as neglectful anymore. im sorry to all of you if i have been kinda MIA lately. ive worked things out with myself about Ash and that whole thing. and im in a better place about it. i dont know.. im just getting back control of my own life now. i made some yummy tofu and rice for dinner. and cleaned up afterwards so hopefully my dad will forgive and forget that. and im excited to cook for thanksgiving. nicole is coming on friday and saturday so we'll get lots of bonding time. i talked to melissa and we'll prolly hang out on monday. so im good. im trying. cuz i know how important friends are. yes very very important and i love my friends and am grateful for them. all of them, each and every one. and i get to sleep in tomorrow, so thats awesome awesome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|10:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 10pm News | ] |
today was alright. went to class. victorian lit was slightly amusing. prof kaye is insane. he gave our papers back. i did alright, but i could have done better. although i did write it the morning of. poetry was nothing special. we workshopped 2 poems. lisamaries poem on the white horse. it was, well, i didnt have any appreciation for it. too many cliches and very unorginal. but oh well. and there was no olga. hehe.. so i just scribbled in my journal for most of class.
talked to sara and that was awesome. ive been kinda neglecting my friends lately. i need to get out of this rut. we were gonna hang out but she had shit to do and we both had headaches so we decided to just chill another day.
work called and changed my hours for wed, which actually makes me happy. i work the PM shift instead of the 8:30-4:30 shift. which is cool cuz it'll be with darleen, jenn, rafael, and i think thats it. and i love working with them. maybe we'll go out for some drinks afterwards.
thanksgiving is thursday. im mildly excited. i think i'll be more so on thursday. i dont know. it feels like its gonna be different this year. but that may be a good thing.
i dont want to go to fieldwork tomorrow. i just want it to be over. |
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